


Farewell to the Fairground

by irjustineee



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-14
Updated: 2013-02-15
Packaged: 2017-11-12 03:17:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/486072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irjustineee/pseuds/irjustineee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam has returned home early from the Trespassing promotion tour due to his deteriorating health. After hearing about the news, Sauli arrives back in LA from his vacation in Finland early to look after Adam, however when they decide to venture out to chill for a while, it's not all fun and games for the pair as they'd originally thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What's wrong with him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is my first fic within this fandom and I hope you all like it :)  
> I couldn't think of a name for this at first but when I finally did, I found it very fitting to the storyline. You'll see.
> 
> Also, if any of the Finnish words are wrong, I apologise. I don't speak Finnish therefore I had to ask some friends who do speak Finnish.
> 
> Enjoy!

After 3 solid weeks of flying to multiple countries to promote his new album, Trespassing, Adam was exhausted and couldn’t wait for it to be over. Don’t get him wrong, he absolutely adored his fans, but when it was back-to-back interviews, photoshoots or mini radio concerts without any days off, plus adding jetlag to the equation, 3 weeks was enough. His mind had gotten to the point where it started to not function properly and his band had begun to notice the effects, expressing concerns about Adam’s overall health state.

After finishing a tonne of interviews in LA, Adam had been told to head home, rest up and that someone would be in contact with him tomorrow to inform him about his schedule. So when his manager phoned him up the next day, on a bright and sunny Tuesday morning, and broke the news that he had 2 weeks off before a series of concerts in Oklahoma, Adam was over the moon.

After the phone call, Adam laid his head back on to his pillow and tried to string thoughts together in his head, attempting to think if he had anything to do today. And then he remembered; Sauli was arriving home today from his vacation in Finland whilst Adam had been out promoting Trespassing. Adam had phoned Sauli last night just before he got into bed to check how he was doing.

_“Siippa!” Sauli’s excitement rang through Adam’s ears and the smile it produced was like no other._

_“Hey baby!” Adam chirped._

_“I miss you.”_

_“Baby, I miss you too. 3 weeks without your warm touch has been tough.”_

_“It’s okay, I’ll be home soon my love.”_

_“When is your flight, honey?”_

_“In 6 hours, I’ve got to be at the airport in 4 hours though.”_

_“You land at 3pm tomorrow, right?”_

_“Yeah, I think so.” Sauli’s laugh made Adam wish he was home in his arms right now._

_“I’ll come and pick you up, okay?”_

_“Adam, I-” Sauli started to protest, aware of Adam’s recent health state._

_“No, I’ll be fine. I just need to sleep and then I’ll be good, I promise.”_

_“If you don’t feel well enough when you wake up, call me and I can get a cab.”_

_“Okay, but I’m sure I’ll be fine.”_

_“I hope so. What time is it there?”_

_“Just after 11pm. I wish I had you in my arms, sleeping would be so much easier for sure.”_

_“I wish I was with you too. As soon as I’m home we can cuddle in your bed and watch Velvet Goldmine.”_

_“I’d like that, so much.”_

_“Mm, me too.”_

_“Phone me as soon as you get off the plane, okay?”_

_“Sure, pretend I’m there in your arms tonight, I’ll see you soon baby. I need to go and sort some last minute things out so I’ll speak to you when I land.”_

_“I’ll try, it’ll be better when you’re here for real.”_

_“I know._ _Minä rakastan sinua_ _.”_

_“_ _Rakastan sinua_ _, too.”_

_“You’re getting better,” Sauli laughed, “however that isn’t right. It’s ‘min_ _äkin rakastan sinua’ actually.”_

_“Okay, well Sauli_ _Koskinen_ _,” Adam grinned, “Min_ _äkin rakastan sinua.”_

_Sauli laughed again. “Almost, I’ll help you when I’m home. Bye Adaaamm.”_

_“_ _Moikka_ _Sauuuli.” Adam smiled to himself._

_Sauli tried to stifle a smitten laugh. “Bye.”_

The sun blazed through Adam’s bedroom, the temperature slowly rising. It took until he was soaking through to wake up.

“Shit, shit.” He muttered, looking over at the clock which stated that the time was 2pm. Adam grabbed a towel and ran a shower. It didn’t take him long to get ready either which made a change, then again he’d only gone for the ‘just-got-out-of-bed’ look incase any paparazzi were nearby. Wait, who was he kidding? The paparazzi were always near, no matter where he was. He grabbed the keys to his black Mustang GT, pulling on his leather jacket as he walked out the front door and locked it. As he began to walk to his car, dizzy spells occurred and he fell to the left slightly.

“It’s nothing,” he thought to himself, “I’ll be fine in a few seconds.”

When Adam had gained his balance back, he unlocked the car and started his trip to LAX airport to pick up his love.

\--

It took him roughly 10 minutes to find a parking space but Adam had still made it with a few minutes to spare. His watch showed the time as 2:55pm meaning that Sauli was just about to land. To pass some time, Adam pressed play on his CD player and was amused that Trespassing started to blast out through the speakers. Adam was jamming along so much that he almost missed Sauli’s call.

“Hey baby, where are you?”

“I’ve just got my suitcase so I’m heading towards the pick up bay now.”

“I’ll start heading there now, give me 2 minutes.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye.” Adam hung up, started the engine and drove over to the pick up bay. It didn’t take long for the boyfriends to spot each other, both of their faces radiating with happiness.

Adam got out of the car and walked over to where Sauli was standing. He was wearing a pair of slightly faded black military boots, tight ripped black jeans, a ever-so-slightly baggy white vest with a large black circle printed on the torso. Completing his outfit was one of Adam’s favourite necklaces hanging around his neck. Sauli’s eyes were piercing blue, currently full of love and joy. And oh boy, don’t even get him started on those high-defined cheekbones and that beautiful smile. How Adam had ever found his smokin’ hot boyfriend was beyond him.

“Honey, I’m home!” Sauli grinned.

“And I am so glad.” Adam replied, wheeling Sauli’s suitcase over to the boot of the car.

Adam opened the boot and attempted to place Sauli’s suitcase in it but got halfway there when pain started to attack his stomach, causing him to drop the suitcase back on to the pavement. Sauli quickly put his arm around Adam’s lower back to support him incase he fell backwards.

“Adam, you get in the car, I’ll put my suitcase in and I’lldrive us home.”

“But-”

“No buts, baby you’re not well. Get in the passenger seat, I said I’ll drive.”

“Fine.” Adam sighed. Debating over who would drive wasn’t worth the hassle and in fact, he was rather relieved because his vision was starting to play up. Definitely not a good sign.

He steadied himself towards the passenger door whilst Sauli put his suitcase in the boot.

 

And that’s when the flashes started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make my day, even if it's constructive criticism, and inspire me to write more so if you could leave one that would be amazing. Thanks!


	2. Blackout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent most of my evening trying to word this chapter right and it still seems a bit weird to me but oh well. That's probably just me. Perhaps you could let me know in the comments.
> 
> I'm evil with cliffhangers if you haven't already noticed. So here's another one :)

“This is not what I need right now.” Adam muttered to himself.

Careful not to trip, he clambered into the passenger seat and shut the door.

“I can already guess what’s going to be on the front page of newspapers tomorrow. No doubt my Twitter mentions will also blow up.” Adam sighed. The paparazzi hadn’t given up yet, they were still flashing away.

Sauli could see the frustration working its way through Adam’s facial expressions, threatening to explode any minute. “Stop it, you’ll only work yourself up even more Adam.” He gently brushed his hand over Adam’s then slowly manoeuvred the car out of the bay.

“But Sauli-”

“Hey,” Sauli soothed whilst also concentrating on driving, “don’t think about them. Think about home, how you’ll be able to relax for a while with nothing on your schedule. Be able to wake up when you want, watch what you want, do what you want, within reason of course.”

“Mmm.”

Sauli had gotten out of the airport premises now and began the drive home, heading for the LA freeway. It wouldn’t take him long to get there, he knew of a few shortcuts.

 

Within 5 minutes of driving, light snores could be heard from the passenger side. Sauli glanced over at Adam every so often and wondered what was going through his mind. He didn’t quite know why Adam’s health had gone downhill the way it had but neither did anyone else for that matter of fact. Not his manager, his band – noone, but Adam. Sauli had definitely noticed a difference in Adam when he stepped out of the car, he appeared to be paler and although there was genuine happiness in his face, he still didn’t look himself. The worry was clawing at Sauli from the inside, but he had to be strong. Adam was going to get better; he was one heck of a fighter. Many accounts of strength when he pulled through some emotional situations previously and dominance in the bedroom proved that.

“Sauli?” A familiar voice squeaked.

Sauli had gotten so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice that Adam had woken up.

“Yes sweetie?”

“You were calling my name…” Adam slurred, it only then occurred to Sauli that he was half awake.

“I was?”

“Yeah.”

Sauli turned to look at Adam, noticing he had a slightly confused expression. The traffic lights slowly approaching turned to red so when the car had come to a complete stop, Sauli quickly reached over, placed his hands on either side of Adam’s cheeks and pressed their lips together. Adam responded and before they knew it, the lights had turned back to green and the cars behind them were honking in annoyance. Sauli returned back to the wheel and intentionally revved the car up higher than usual, causing the tires to squeal and the car to launch forwards. It made a small amount of adrenaline rush through Sauli’s blood, however it had completely woken Adam up.

“Jeez Sauli, you don’t have to drive around like a manic.” Adam laughed.

“Sorry. I guess I got a bit mad.”

“You don’t need to be mad, there’s plenty more time for moments like that. I have a free schedule for the next two weeks remember.” Adam spoke with a soft tone.

“I know. I couldn’t resist it though.”

“You definitely know how to spark up a frenzy.”

“Well if there’s more in store for when we get home, I certainly don’t mind pressing on the accelerator a little harder.” Sauli winked.

“Maybe, maybe not.” Adam smiled.

“Now that’s not fair. You’re such a tease.” Sauli playfully sulked.

“We’ll see.” Adam loved teasing Sauli and as twisted as it sounds, he enjoyed getting kicks out of it.

Sauli had zoned out into his own world and it gave more time for Adam to think. His mind was still going crazy, in fact he was starting to think it was getting worse. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his thoughts. He quietly breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth for a few minutes hoping that it would help. When he thought he had settled his mind, a piercing scream that lasted for less than a second rang through his ears. His whole core shook and he gasped sharply, opened his eyes and looked around for the source of the noise.

“Adam?” Sauli’s eyes were wide, full of concern.

“I, uh… nothing. It’s nothing.” He stuttered. He honestly couldn’t wait to climb into bed tonight with Sauli wrapped up in his arms, for once he might actually be able to get a peaceful night’s sleep.

“Are you sure? What happened?”

“Did... did you hear a scream?”

“Not as far as I’m aware. Is that what you heard?”

“Um… I don’t know.” Adam was starting to think he was mental. What was happening to him? And most of all, why him?

“Let’s go inside, we’re home now.” Sauli got out the car and ran round to Adam’s side, helping him out.

“I’m sorry.” Adam mumbled.

Sauli pressed his finger to Adam’s lips. “You’ve no need to be sorry, this is none of your fault, okay?” He stood on his tiptoes and lightly pecked Adam on the lips. “Come on inside, I’ll make us some dinner and we can do whatever you want, alright?”

Adam’s face lit up by an inch and he nodded.

Once they were inside, Adam turned Sauli around and placed his hands around Sauli’s waist. “You’re the best person ever.”

“Aw, well you’re the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me.” Sauli wrapped his arms around Adam’s neck, buried his head in his chest and they stayed in this position for what seemed like hours before the growling of Adam’s stomach broke the silence. Both of them laughed and Sauli gently jabbed a finger at his stomach.

“Did you have anything to eat today?”

“No, I woke up late so I didn’t have any time. I should have grabbed a snack, I know.”

“Well, I better hurry up and make dinner then, shouldn’t I? Can’t have my one and only love starving now, can I?” Sauli smiled.

“Maybe you’ll get something in return for it.” Adam winked.

“Then it won’t be long, I promise.” Sauli ran over to the kitchen door and blew a kiss back in Adam’s direction.

Sauli was the most adorable person Adam had ever met. He made him feel gooey inside and even the slightest of actions could make him melt to the ground. Even thinking about Sauli was enough to set him off. Adam slung his body across the sofa and switched on the TV. After spending around 5 minutes flicking through the channels, he came to a final decision that there was nothing on that interested him. He began wondering what film he could choose and then he remembered that Sauli had promised him that he’d watch Velvet Goldmine with Adam.

Adam dragged himself off the comfy sofa and began to make his way upstairs when the dizzy spells came back to him. Before he could even think about grabbing onto anything, his knees buckled and he fell face first towards the floor, blacking out almost immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any Tommy Joe Ratliff fans out there reading this - watch out for him in the next update. 
> 
> One word: FIERCE.


	3. It feels like jealousy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for taking so long to upload this chapter. I've been busy just recently with some family stuff and I got hit with writer's block. Not fun!
> 
> If there's any mistakes or something that doesn't make sense, I also apologize. It's gone past midnight here and I really wanted to finish this so I could upload it for you guys. 
> 
> Anyway, here it is - chapter 3!

Sauli had just started to prepare dinner when out of nowhere, he heard something crash to the floor quickly followed by a thud. Adam. This wasn’t good at all.

“Adam?” Sauli called out, chucking the pasta back into the bowl in the sink.

“Adam?!” He ran out of the kitchen and headed straight to the sofa. As he approached, he saw Adam lying face down on the floor with his hands either side of his head. Thank goodness the flooring was carpet.

Sauli grabbed a pillow from the sofa and set it down just slightly to the left of Adam’s head. He gently rolled Adam over onto his back with his head being supported by one of Sauli’s hands. He carefully placed Adam’s head on the pillow then realigned the rest of Adam’s body. Sauli moved the coffee table closer and put another pillow on the top. He slowly lifted Adam’s legs into the air and rested them down on the pillow. Changing his focus onto waking Adam, he kneeled down beside Adam’s right shoulder and tapped it softly.

“Adam, baby… can you hear me?”

After a few seconds had passed and no response from Adam was obtained, Sauli shook his shoulder with a little more force.

“Adam, siippa… are you alright? Can you hear me?” He tried to think of something else to say. “Sweetheart, it’s Sauli. Please wake up… I love you.”

Sauli wrapped his hands around Adam’s right hand, occasionally brushing a finger down his skin. Adam groaned and gradually opened his eyes, then closed them again. 5 seconds passed before he attempted to open his eyes, face instantly scrunching up in confusion.

“Uh…” he paused for a moment. “Where am I?”

“You fainted so you’re on the floor. Does your head hurt?”

Adam touched his forehead with his left hand, wincing at the ache.

“Yeah, a little bit. Just feels like I’ve got a headache.”

“Well, don’t try to get up just yet. Tell me when the pain stops, okay?”

“Okay. For the record, I love you too.”

Sauli smiled and pushed Adam’s hair back from his face.

“You can get through this. You can get better. I’ll always be stood right by your side with every step of the way.” He kissed Adam’s forehead then stayed in the same position, stroking Adam’s cheek, for the next 5 minutes.

 

Adam attempted to move slightly, relieved that his head had finally calmed down. Sauli was quick to express concern about Adam.

“Baby, you don’t have to get up if you don’t feel like you can. Does your head still hurt?”

“Only a tiny bit, it’s eased off now. I should be fine.”

Sauli helped Adam get back up onto his feet then let him sit back onto the sofa.

“I’ll go finish off dinner then we can go upstairs and watch Velvet Goldmine, deal?”

“Deal.” Adam smiled, placed his hands round Sauli’s neck and began to slowly pull him closer. Sauli placed his legs either side of Adam’s and sat on his lap, brushing his own lips across Adam’s. Adam was the first to make a move, crushing their lips together. He traced his tongue over the edge of Sauli’s lips – they tasted like sweet cherries, a taste Adam couldn’t get enough of – waiting for permission to be granted. Sauli’s lips soon parted and Adam slipped his tongue inside, edging further down the sofa as each second passed. Their tongues fought for dominance but in the end, Adam won him over – it wasn’t often that Sauli was in the leading role. With each move, it felt like an electric current was running through Adam’s veins; he’d never experienced anything like this before with anyone else. It felt like paradise. Sauli pulled away reluctantly, after hearing Adam’s stomach growl once again, before lightly pecking Adam on the lips.

“I think someone’s a little hungry, don’t you?” Sauli’s grin lit up the room.

“Just a little bit.” Adam patted his stomach. It was always intervening at the wrong time.

“Well, I better get dinner served up then.” Sauli got up off Adam’s lap, prodded his stomach and skipped into the kitchen.

“That boy is such a tease. One day, I’ll give him a taste of his own medicine.” Adam whispered to himself.

 

20 minutes had passed when out of nowhere, Sauli made an appearance with two places full of delicious looking food. Adam made his way over to the table, stomach tearing away at his insides.

“This looks insanely tasty.”

“I take full responsibility if you get food poisoning, hah.”

“I’m sure I won’t.” Adam laughed and began to dig in.

 

Once they’d finish eating, Sauli had cleared up and loaded the dishwasher with the dirty pots before returning back to Adam.

“That was one of the best meals I’ve ever had.” Adam planted a kiss on Sauli’s lips.

“It’s my pleasure. How are you feeling now?” Sauli placed his hands in Adam’s.

“Much better. A bit sleepy though.”

“Me too. I’m thinking that we head up to bed and stick Velvet Goldmine on. I promised I’d watch it with you.”

“Sure. That sounds like a plan.”

Adam linked their hands together and they made their way to the stairs. Adam spun Sauli up onto his waist, just as they reached the bedroom door causing Sauli to gasp in shock. Adam giggled, pressing their foreheads together. He dropped Sauli onto the bed then searched for the Velvet Goldmine case. He popped it into the DVD player, switched on the TV and climbed under the bed covers. He searched for the warmth of Sauli’s body, pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around him. It was only a matter of minutes before his eyes started to droop.

“G’night Saaauli.” Adam whispered.

“Night baby.”

 

\--

 

Morning arrived and Sauli was the first to wake. He lay in bed for a while, considering it was only 7am, watching Adam sleep. He was looked so peaceful, like there was nothing wrong with him whatsoever, however Sauli knew that wasn’t the case. He was glad when Adam had finally drifted off last night, it would do him the world of good to have a full night’s kip without any disturbances.

After 45 minutes of tossing and turning, Sauli slipped out of Adam’s arms, lightly pecked him on the lips and made his way downstairs.

Whistling away to himself, Sauli decided to text Ashley in the hope of her being awake.

 _“Hey. Do you and the rest of the band wanna come over? Adam’s still not at his best and I’m sure a visit from all of you would be a nice surprise. :)_ _”_

Once he’d sent the message, he grabbed some ingredients out of the fridge and cupboard and began to prepare breakfast. About 10 minutes later, Sauli heard his phone buzz.

_“Sure, that’d be great. There’ll only be myself, Tommy and Brian though. The rest of the band have already left to go shopping or something. What time? X”_

_“I’ll wake Adam up once I’ve finished making breakfast so around 10ish? Is that alright for you guys? x”_

_“Yeah, that’s cool. See you then. :)_ _x”_

 

Once breakfast had been laid out on the table, Sauli headed back upstairs in an attempt to wake Adam up. He kneeled beside Adam on the bed, ruffling his hair.

“Wakey wakey, time to rise and shine, my love.”

Adam stirred a little but his eyes failed to open. Sauli grinned to himself, placed either leg beside Adam and kissed his lips.

“Mmm. Saaauli.” Adam mumbled. When he eventually opened his eyes, his smile stretched from ear to ear. “I’d love to wake up to that every morning for sure.” Adam propped himself up by his elbows and instantly sought out the smell wafting around the room.

“That smells delicious. Is it ready?”

“Yep, that’s why I came to wake you. Breakfast is served!” Sauli laughed, tugging Adam out of bed with his hands. Adam stopped for a moment, clearing his vision of blackness from getting up too quickly. He then laughed and continued out of the bedroom, almost bouncing downstairs alongside Sauli.

“You’re still the best.” Adam said, as he sat down. On the table were two plates, each filled with waffles, chocolate and strawberry ice cream drizzled in maple syrup.

“Nope. That’s you.” Sauli replied, also taking his place.

“Nope, but anyway… wow. These look so tasty.” Adam didn’t know where to start.

“Bon appetit!” Sauli exclaimed as they both began to eat.

_\--_

Ashley, Tommy and Brian were on their way over to Adam’s place. It wouldn’t take them long to get there as they only lived around 20 minutes away.

“Do you reckon Adam will look any better than what he did on tour?” Brian perked up.

“I hope so, he looked so weak. I just didn’t know what to do to help.” Ashley replied.

Tommy was keeping quiet; he didn’t really know what to say. He was extremely worried about Adam’s health and he knew Adam had struggled with issues in the past. He decided to check twitter to see if Adam had posted anything about feeling any better or whatnot.

 

Huge mistake.

 

Before Tommy had even made it to Adam’s tweets, he’d quickly decided to check his mentions. They were full of people tweeting Tommy links to paparazzi reports. This was never good. He’d never really paid any attention to gossip sites before but this time he didn’t care; he wanted to know what the paparazzi had reported. He clicked on one link with the headline titled, “Adam Lambert: Health deterioration journey hits rock bottom.”

The article explained about Sauli landing at LAX airport, Adam greeting him and looking overwhelmed, then description of how Adam had almost fallen attempting to put Sauli’s suitcase in the boot of his car then his struggle to the passenger door. Tommy looked closely at the pictures, trying to form similarities in the memories contained in his own brain. Surely Adam wasn’t as pale as the paparazzi were making out? Maybe they’d used Photoshop to produce convincing evidence to go with the headline? He sighed.

“What’s up, Tommyboy?” Brian questioned.

“Listen to this news report.” Tommy read aloud. “Adam’s health has been a major concern for fans, close friends and family in the past couple of days with recent photos revealing a not-so-great looking rockstar. Photos include Lambert covering his face with his arm as he leaves Whole Foods supermarket, another with his head in his hands as he waits in an airport lounge and just recently, a photo of the star struggling to get into his car with dark circles surrounding his eyes. Is it just me or does Adam Lambert also look considerably paler on the last photo? Is this the ‘make it or break it’ point in his career? It seems like this celebrity’s life is spiralling out of control and if it can’t be monitored on a leash – who’s to say he’ll still be around in 5 years time?”

“I thought you were the one who never read any paparazzi fed garbage?” Brian replied.

“Yeah but this time we know that Adam’s not exactly up to his usual self though. There’s something definitely not right with him and I have a feeling that there’s so much more going on than what he’s letting on.”

“Don’t jump to conclusions, Tommy. It’s probably not as bad as it seems.” Ashley joined in.

“I guess we’ll see today.” Tommy sat back and stared out the window, zoning out into his own thoughts and ignoring any conversation that was taking place in the car. It was only when Ashley had shouted Tommy’s name multiple times to inform him that they’d arrived at Adam’s place did he come back down to planet Earth.

 

They were greeted at the door by Sauli, who immediately called out to Adam.

“Adam, you have visitors!”

Adam looked up from his book, seeing Tommy, Brian and Ashley standing in the doorway.

“Hey guys. Nice to see you again!” Adam smiled. Brian and Ashley made their way to the sofa, insisting that Adam needn’t get up.

Tommy couldn’t move. His fears had been confirmed. Adam was looking paler and his cheekbones were starting to become more noticeable. Sauli headed into the kitchen and began to fill up the kettle. Tommy couldn’t process any thoughts going through his head right now or control any of his emotions that were about to blow. He followed Sauli’s footsteps into the kitchen, shutting the door behind him.

Sauli turned around in surprise, a smile forming. It was soon to be wiped off.

“How can you pretend like everything is okay?” Tommy’s tone was dark.

“What are you talking about?”

“You know. Your boyfriend – my best friend. He’s out there, struggling with whatever he’s going through and you’re all Mister happy-go-Larry.”

“Are you saying that I don’t care about him? Because if so, you’re completely out of your mind.”

“You don’t seem to be looking after him very well, do you? Carry on the down the path you’re going and you’ll end up with him in HOSPITAL. I mean, it looks as if death smacked him in the face. When is that going to register in that stupid brain of yours!?” Tommy’s voice started to rise.

“Well, if you think you can do better why don’t YOU fucking do it?! You try attempting to be as strong as you can whilst the one person you have complete faith in is crumbling to pieces beneath your eyes and there’s NOTHING you can do about it! You try being stuck in a different country not being able to come home – imagine just how that feels. And how about you, huh? You’ve been with him every single day of that Trespassing tour but look what you’ve done about it? And you dare to call me careless?! You might want to look in the mirror yourself before you start judging how well I’m managing with Adam. You have NO idea what it’s like so just BACK OFF!” Sauli slammed his shoulder into Tommy’s as he stormed out of the kitchen. He slowed his pace, attempting to calm himself down. He didn’t want Adam to see him in this state. After a matter of minutes and deep breaths, Sauli made his way over to the sofa and curled himself into Adam’s lap. Thankfully noone appeared to have noticed anything. Adam and Brian were deep in conversation, talking about some new celebrity kid on the scene.

“Where’s Tommy?” Ashley raised an eyebrow, looking around.

“He’s in the kitchen.” Sauli replied.

“Thanks.” Ashley nodded and headed towards the kitchen door. Sauli pressed his head into Adam’s chest, feeling his eyes droop; he didn’t feel like joining in the conversation anyway.

 

 

“Tommy? Are you okay?” Ashley searched the room with her eyes, only to spot Tommy’s small frame in a corner of the room.

“I don’t know. One minute I feel like nothing can tear me down and the next, I lose control and take it out on the people I love.”

“What happened?” She made her way over to Tommy, slowly sliding down the wall to reach Tommy’s level.

“I just took it all out on Sauli.” Tommy’s voice was threatening to break.

“Hey,” Ashley soothed, “Calm down. Don’t work yourself up; you’ll only make things worse. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, go.”

Tommy did as he was told for a few seconds before closing his eyes and resting his head on Ashley’s shoulder.

“What caused you to let loose, Tommy?”

He didn’t reply for a few seconds, deep in thought. “The way they look at each other, the way Sauli was just smiling away as if nothing was wrong. It made me mad to think that Sauli maybe didn’t care about Adam. That Adam deserved better.”

“Tommy, sweetie, you don’t own Adam. Unfortunately you can’t make all the decisions for him, you need to learn that. If Sauli isn’t treating Adam right, Adam has to see that for himself.” Silence filled the room and questions soon began to spin round Ashley’s head. It wasn’t long before she was vocal about one that was bugging her in particular.

“Tommy, you’re not jealous of Sauli, are you?”

“I’m not jealous of Sauli as such,” Tommy sighed. Ashley waited for him to continue. He hesitated before finally speaking. “I’m jealous of what they have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments would be appreciated. :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> Much love xo


	4. And the news is...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you guys have been waiting super long for this and here is the next chapter finally! I've had some stuff go on in my life that have delayed this chapter for so long.
> 
> Anyway, have fun reading and let me know what you think. The next chapter shouldn't take as long to write and upload as this one did. :-)

After Tommy had calmed down from his outburst, him and Ashley reappeared in the living room and sat down on the sofa. Adam had put the TV on and was watching the ending of the latest episode of True Blood with Brian. Sauli was curled up in Adam’s lap, head against his chest with his eyes closed. Adam kept running his left hand through Sauli’s hair every few seconds.

Tommy’s ringtone broke the silence and caught everyone’s attention. Tommy quietly apologised and ran off into the kitchen to answer the call.

When True Blood had finished, Ashley was the first to speak. “So Adam, how’re you doing?”  
“Um, I feel slightly better, I’m not 100% though.”  
“You know you can always call any of us if you need anything if Sauli’s not around.”  
“I know, thanks.” Adam smiled down at his other half. “Sauli’s been a complete darling, I’m so happy I found him.”  
“You’re such a sap.” Brian laughed.  
At that moment Tommy walked back into the living room. Ashley noticed that look of confusion on his face. “Everything alright?”  
“Yeah,” he sighed, “I’ve just gotta go. Friend emergency. Sorry.” He looked over at Adam. “I hope you’re feeling better soon, things will improve.”  
“Thanks, nice to see you.” Adam replied.  
“You too. Must run though. Speak to you later. Bye guys.”  
“Bye.” They all replied, almost in unison.  
Adam heard a slam of the door a few seconds after Tommy had left the room. Adam winced, the ache around his head gradually getting worse.  
“He really doesn’t know how to be quiet, does he?” Adam pressed his lips on to the top of Sauli’s head and pulled him a fraction closer.  
“Adam?” A voice called out.  
He looked up. “Ashley?”  
She gave him a concerned look. “I think you should see a doctor.”  
“But-”  
“No buts. I’m sure Sauli would agree with me if he was awake.”  
Brian backed up Ashley. “You may not see the difference in your physical appearance but we do and it’s frightening, y’know. We’re all worried about you and I’m sure your fans are too. You need help Adam, there’s no question about it.”  
“Fine. I’ll ring up tomorrow and get an appointment.”  
“You better or I’ll drag you there myself.” Ashley half laughed.

\--

Sauli loved curling up to Adam and being wrapped in his warmth. Sauli had missed it so much when he’d gone to Finland whilst Adam was out promoting Trespassing. Now he was at home for a few weeks, Sauli wanted Adam all to himself, he didn’t want the comfort Adam brought to him to end, ever. Sauli’s dream had revolved around Adam and his recovery, how he knew that Adam would get better in due time. Memories with Adam replayed over in his mind and the rest of his dream was a blur, he couldn’t remember those parts well. When Sauli eventually woke up, it was quiet besides light snores coming from Adam. The TV was off and it appeared that Ashley, Brian and Tommy had gone home. It didn’t surprise him as it was getting late. Sauli shook Adam awake and he groaned.  
“Mmmm… I’m tireeeed.”  
“Me too but sleeping on the sofa isn’t going to help your back at all. Plus it’s warmer in our bed.”  
“That’s true…mm,” Adam yawned and slowly opened his eyes, taking in his surroundings. He picked Sauli up and walked over to the light switch to turn all the downstairs lights off then carried Sauli up the stairs and dropped him down softly on the bed. Sauli ran into the en-suite bathroom, brushed his teeth, undressed, pulled on a pair of sleep pants and got under the covers. Adam followed the same routine. Once Adam had gotten into the bed Sauli wrapped his arms around him and slotted his knee in between Adam’s legs.  
“Just before I fall asleep, Brian and Ashley are right. You need to see a doctor as soon as possible.”  
“I’ll phone up tomorrow morning and see if I can get an appointment. Will you come with me?”  
“Good and don’t be silly, of course I will.”  
“Thanks baby.”  
“It’s alright. Night Adam.”  
“Night Sauli.”

\--

Adam was suddenly woken up by the sound of his alarm. He quickly dived on to the floor to stop his alarm, hoping that it hadn’t woken Sauli too. Unfortunately the movement from the other side of the bed told him he was wrong.  
“I don’t remember setting my alarm for 8:30am.” Adam yawned, climbing back on to the bed.  
“I did… for you to ring the doctors…” Sauli replied, half asleep with his eyes closed.  
“Oh yeah, I’ll go ring them now. Thanks my love.” Adam leaned over and kissed Sauli’s forehead before heading downstairs.  
Adam punched in the phone number on the landline phone then waited for the dial tone. After several minutes of waiting in the queue, Adam heard a muffed voice on the end of the line.  
“Hello Tulane Surgery, how can I help?”  
“Hi, um, can I book an appointment for this morning please?”  
“Let me just see if there’s any available…” she paused for a few seconds, “there is an appointment available at 10am if that is suitable for you?”  
“Yes please, that’s fine.”  
“Okay, what’s your surname?”  
“Lambert.”  
“And your first name?”  
“Adam.”  
“Ooh, I am a fan,” Adam could hear her smile through the phone, “okay, so you’ll be seeing Doctor Peto at 10am. Is that everything?”  
“Yes thanks.”  
“Okay, bye for now.”  
“Bye!” Adam hung up and ran back upstairs, only to find Sauli had fallen asleep again. Adam didn’t want to disturb his angel yet and so he decided to have a shower.

It didn’t take him long and by the time he’d dried himself off and finished getting changed Sauli had started to wake up for real this time.  
“Adam…” Sauli mumbled. Adam sat on the bed and stroked Sauli’s hair.  
“I’m here.”  
“Did you call the doctors?” Sauli gradually opened his eyes, only to shield them with his hands. “Jeez it’s bright in here.”  
“Yeah, I’ve got an appointment at 10.”  
“What time is it now?”  
“Just gone 9. I’ve just had a shower so you can have one whilst I make breakfast then we’ll go?”  
“Yeah, sounds like a plan.”  
“What do you want to eat?”  
“Surprise me.” Sauli softly laughed and brushed his lips against Adam’s. Adam moved forward and pecked him on the lips then broke away.  
“It’ll be done in a few minutes, don’t be long.” Adam smiled, jabbed Sauli’s leg, got off the bed and headed for the kitchen. He had a particular craving for pancakes this morning.

\--

“That was delicious, thankyou.” Sauli entwined his hand with Adam’s.  
“It’s okay. We can wash up when we come back or we’ll be late.”  
“What are we waiting for then?”  
“Let’s go.” Adam grabbed his leather jacket, his car keys and gestured for Sauli to exit first. Adam locked the door, unlocked the car and started up the engine, it wouldn’t take them long to get to the surgery.

\--

They’d only just made it to the waiting room with a few minutes to spare. The receptionist, who goes by the name of Becky, smiled as soon as Adam and Sauli walked in.  
“Take a seat. Doctor Peto will call for you as soon as she’s ready.”  
“Cheers.” Adam and Sauli both smiled back and sat down in two seats on the back row. Sauli leant his head sideways on to Adam’s shoulder and Adam tilted his head and closed his eyes. A loud ‘bing’ from the TV screen told Adam and Sauli that they were to go to room 16.

When they got there, Adam knocked on the door and proceeded to enter.  
“Hey, you must be Adam,” Doctor Peto smiled. “And this must be Sauli?”  
“Yeah,” Adam turned his head towards Sauli, “Sauli meet Tasha, she’s an old school friend as well as my doctor.”  
Sauli nodded his head towards her and sat down in one of the chairs.  
“So Adam, tell me about why you’re here today.”  
Adam lowered himself into the chair next to Sauli and placed his hand in Sauli’s. “Well, I’ve been doing a mini tour to promote my new album and I’ve not had time for breaks which may have triggered everything off. I began to feel really exhausted all the time and my brain wasn’t functioning properly. One of my band members told my manager and she ordered me some time off to rest and recover. I’ve been experiencing dizzy spells, I’ve heard a scream that I thought was real but it happened to only be in my head, I’ve fainted once and I’ve had stabbing pains around my stomach since then.”   
“I’ve had a few cases like this before. Does your head hurt often when you try to concentrate?”  
“Yeah. I can’t think straight sometimes, it’s like my brain has just forgotten everything or just frozen up.”  
“Okay. I’ll be back in a minute, I’m just going to speak to a specialist doctor then I’ll be back with a diagnosis.”  
“Okay.”  
Doctor Peto left the room and Sauli’s grip tightened around Adam’s hand.  
“Everything is going to be okay, you can pull through this, I know you can.” Sauli brushed a strand of hair out of Adam’s face.  
“As long as you are by my side, anything is possible.” Adam replied and put his head on Sauli’s.  
There were a few minutes of silence before Doctor Peto returned. Adam leaned up a little bit and tightened his grip on Sauli’s hand.  
“I’ve spoken with Doctor Toon and we believe that your serotonin levels have decreased due to being tired, stressed out and overworked meaning that your body has slowly started to not function correctly…”


	5. Teenage dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update has taken me a while to write out but it's finally here! Let me know what you think in the comments! :)

“… however, you’ll be pleased to know that you will be able to recover from it. It won’t take a few days, it could take a few weeks depending on how well your body responds to the medication and how well you look yourself.”  
Adam nodded his head. “What would you suggest is best?”  
“Do you have any upcoming tour dates?”  
“Yeah, I have a few dates in Oklahoma in just under 2 weeks.”  
“Okay. I’ll arrange for a doctor to visit your home every few days just to check up on you and how you’re doing. If you’re still not feeling any better when the rehearsals start then I suggest that you reschedule those dates until you do.”  
Adam sighed. “My manager won’t be very happy.”  
“Adam, your health comes first. I’m sure your fans would understand and would want you to get better before performing. Remember, stick to your guns. Don’t let people push you over.”  
Sauli joined in. “Baby, you need to get better. I’m worried about you and so are your family and friends. You need to recover from the stress that your body has been under. I won’t be going anywhere, I’m staying at home to look after you.”  
Adam smiled a little. “Thanks sweetheart.”  
Doctor Peto printed out half a side of A4 to hand into the chemist. “I’m sure you’ve seen one of these before but it’s just details of your medication for the chemist. It’ll take about 5 minutes or so and then you’ll be free to go. Take one daily and be honest with your home doctor. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to come see me.” She smiled and handed out the sheet.  
“Thankyou for everything.”  
“No problem, just doing my job.” Doctor Peto smiled as Adam and Sauli made their way out of the room and walked down the path to the chemist next door.

\--

“I’m on my way, I’ll be with you in 10-15 minutes. Just don’t panic, okay? I’ll help you out of this mess, I promise.” Tommy’s hands were shaking, he was on a time limit and this definitely wasn’t the time to trigger a panic attack.  
“Calm down Tommy, calm down. Everything will be okay.” He whispered to himself, taking deep breaths as he drove towards the nearest withdrawal point.  
He frantically entered his PIN and withdrew out a load of notes. He ran back to his car and spun the tyres as he pressed down hard on the accelerator. It wouldn’t take long for Tommy to arrive at his friend’s house. He was hoping that he would get there in time before the dealers broke in and launched an attack on Brett. Brett Harrison was an old friend and ex-boyfriend of Tommy’s; they’d met at college and spent pretty much all of their college time together. It wasn’t awkward after they broke up, they agreed to stay friends and have done ever since. Tommy pulled up on the drive and waited for any sign of movement.

_“They’re banging on my door, threatening to break it down. Hurry if you can.” Brett’s voice was full of fear._   
_“I’m on my way, I won’t be long I promise. Try to stall them if you can.”_   
_“I’ll try, just hurry. Please.”_   
_“I will, I’ll see you soon.”_   
_“Bye.”_

There was not a sound besides Tommy’s heavy breathing and the occasional buzzing of the crickets. Tommy walked slowly towards the front door and that’s when he heard things being crashed about inside the house. He looked through the slight crack in the door and saw Brett tied up to one of the wooden chairs. There was a gag over his mouth so he couldn’t scream for help, there was blood running down his face from the cut to the right of his forehead and he looked as if he wanted the Earth to swallow him up in a black hole right now. Out of nowhere a belt was slashed against Brett’s left leg and he immediately scrunched his face up, more tears falling out of his eyes. This snapped Tommy out of his trance and he slammed the door open.  
“GET OUT OF HERE NOW!” Tommy yelled, showing no sign of fear. Absolutely noone laid a finger on Brett without going through Tommy first.  
Brett’s eyes opened, a tiny bit of hope rushing through them. He tried to say something but it all came out as a muffle, the gag still intact with his mouth. The dealers dropped what they had in their hands to the floor and made their way over to where Tommy was standing, in an attempt to intimidate him. He still wasn’t scared. He had what they desired the most.  
“Look at what the cat dragged in. A punk asshole. Is this your bum buddy here?” They laughed.  
“Oh, isn’t that hilarious?” Tommy faked a laugh. “You are so pathetic.”  
“We want our money back and this bastard isn’t paying up. Claims he doesn’t have the money, so we’re teaching him a lesson.” The dealer standing in the middle sneered.  
“Take your head out of your ass and get the fuck out of here.” Tommy reached into his back pocket and held out the notes. “Here’s your money. Take it and never come back because if you do, it won’t just be me that you’ll be dealing with.” Tommy growled.  
The tallest of the dealers snatched the money from Tommy’s hands and shoved into his shoulder on the way to the front door. The other two guys followed his lead. Tommy shut the front door, locked it then ran over to Brett.  
“Oh god, I’m sorry Brett, I’m so so sorry.”  
Brett shut his eyes for a few seconds as a tear fell down his cheek. Tommy wiped the tear away with his fingertips.  
“I’ll be back in a second, I’ll go find some stuff from the kitchen to free you and clean you up.”  
Tommy grabbed the first aid box from the kitchen cupboard and found some scissors in the utilities section.  
He got down onto his knees and carefully cut through the ropes tied around Brett’s hands and legs, and then cut the gag on his mouth. Tommy placed the scissors down on the table, reached into the first aid box and found some wet paper cloths. He cleaned up Brett’s cut on his forehead and then reached into the box for a needle.  
“I’m gonna stitch up your cut on your forehead as it isn’t gonna stop bleeding on its own. It may hurt a little though.”  
Brett just nodded his head and closed his eyes, glad that the torture was over and that Tommy was here.  
“Do you want me to call anyone for you?”  
Brett shook his head. All he wanted was Tommy; he was everything to him. The feelings for him hadn’t left. Back in his college days, Brett was an idiot. He didn’t take their relationship seriously and it’s only over the past few months that he realised how much he really loved Tommy.  
Brett was jolted by a sudden pang of pain as the stitches pulled his skin together. After a matter of seconds, the pain was gone and Tommy withdrew the needle and placed it in a small, resealable plastic bag. He got out some more wet cloths and wiped the rest of Brett’s face and body down until the marks were gone.  
Tommy placed everything into the first aid box and set it aside. He grabbed Brett’s hands and looked into his eyes.  
“I am so sorry I didn’t get here in time.”  
Brett tried to speak, his voice cracking. “It’s okay Tommy… it’s not your fault.”  
“It is. If I’d have been here sooner this wouldn’t have happened.”  
“It’s over now and you’re here. You’re all I want right now.” Brett pressed the good side of his forehead onto Tommy’s and closed his eyes.  
Tommy brushed his fingers across Brett’s cheek and instinctively touched his lips to Brett’s lightly. Brett responded slowly, uncertain if Tommy was actually kissing him or if his imagination was running away again. He opened his eyes and discovered that in fact he wasn’t dreaming, that this kiss was reality.  
Tommy pulled back gently. “Come on, I’ll carry you upstairs.”  
Tommy helped Brett up out of the chair then placed him around his waist. Brett slotted his head in the crook of Tommy’s neck and smiled weakly as they still fitted together perfectly like puzzle pieces.  
Tommy laid Brett down on the bed then wrapped his arms around him. Brett was a little shorter than Tommy, which didn’t bother him because Tommy was one for being protective. He wanted to make Brett feel safe, like nothing could hurt him when he was in Tommy’s arms. He looked down at Brett’s face and noticed that his eyes were closed. He wasn’t surprised; a beating would take all the energy out of him too.  
“I’ve never forgotten about our college memories. I love you, Brett.” Tommy whispered, then kissed the top of his head and pulled the bed covers over them both. It didn’t take long for sleep to pull Tommy under.


	6. Let there be love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for taking so long to upload this chapter. College work has just been crazy and I've had some personal stuff going on. December is going to be a busy month for me too with my college so I'm sorry for the slow updates.
> 
> Hopefully you'll enjoy this :)

A week had passed and Adam was about to start rehearsals for his shows in Oklahoma. He was taking his medication daily and the home doctor visits were helping a tiny bit but he still didn’t feel right.

It was approaching early morning and neither of the boys could sleep.  
“I don’t know if I have any energy to do these shows, Sauli.” Adam sighed.  
Sauli placed his hand on Adam’s left cheek. “I know you don’t like to disappoint your fans but if you don’t feel like you can do the shows, then don’t force yourself. You need to let your body recover.”  
“I know. I just feel like I’ll have let my fans down if I go and cancel on them.”  
“I’m sure they’d understand. Especially if they’ve been reading the paparazzi reports lately.”  
Adam sighed again. “I should probably tweet something to reassure them I’m not as bad as the paps are making out.”  
“It’s up to you baby,” Sauli yawned, “I’m gonna try and sleep though, as much as I’d love to stay up all night with you.”  
“No, it’s okay. You sleep angel, hopefully I’ll fall asleep soon.”  
“Night.” Sauli leaned up and pressed his lips against Adam’s, not wanting to break away.  
“Night, my love. Sleep tight.”  
“Don’t let the bed bugs bite.” Sauli sleepily laughed and cuddled up to Adam’s side.  
Adam kissed the top of his head before attempting to fall asleep himself.

After an hour of endless tossing and turning, Adam grabbed his iPhone off the bedside table and opened up his Twitter app. After spending some time scrolling through his mentions to gather up a general idea of what his fans were saying, he began to type out a new tweet:  
“ _Thankyou for your kind wishes. The paps always make the situation a lot worse than what it actually is. I am getting better but I can’t promise that the Oklahoma shows in a few days will go ahead. Will update you guys tomorrow._ ”  
Adam clicked send then placed it back on the bedside table and tried once again to fall asleep. A sense of relief washed over him just as he felt his eyelids drooping.

\--

A clatter downstairs woke Adam from his sleep. He looked round to see that Sauli was no longer in the bed and was probably making breakfast. He grabbed his phone to check the time. It was just approaching 10am. There were 2 missed calls from his manager but that could wait until later. He climbed out of bed, chucked his phone on the table and dragged himself into the bathroom. He splashed his face with cold water and stared at his reflection in the mirror. He didn’t know if it was his imagination messing with his mind or if he was genuinely losing the glint in his eyes. His body started to shake and out of nowhere he swung a fist and shattered the mirror into pieces.  
“Adam?” He heard Sauli run up the stairs and his footsteps grew louder as he approached the bathroom. “Are you okay?”  
“I’m fine.” Adam huffed.  
Sauli walked in, noticing that Adam was in a frozen sort of state and slowly reached his hand out to Adam’s arm. Adam didn’t move a muscle as Sauli’s hand made contact with his skin. Sauli moved around to the front of Adam and looked into his eyes. He rose onto his tiptoes and closed the gap between their lips. Adam didn’t respond for a few seconds until his brain brought him back to planet Earth and registered what was going on. He turned both of them around without breaking the kiss and pushed Sauli gently towards the wall. Sauli wrapped his legs around Adam’s waist and twirled his fingers around in his hair. Adam made sure he had a firm hold on his other half before making his way towards the bed. He dropped Sauli in the middle and climbed on top of him, reconnecting their lips. A moan rippled from Sauli’s throat as Adam’s tongue battled for dominance. Adam’s hands slowly moved down Sauli’s torso to the rim of his sleep pants. Adam broke away from Sauli’s mouth and began to press kisses down Sauli’s chest. When he reached Sauli’s sleep pants, he placed the rim between his teeth, ripped them off and threw them across the room.  
“Adam…” Sauli groaned as the urges became stronger.  
Adam trailed his fingertips slowly upwards on Sauli’s inner thighs, which earned him a low growl.  
Sauli pulled Adam up so their faces were inches apart and reached up to connect their lips again. Sauli turned them over so he was on top. Adam opened his mouth to complain but stopped as Sauli grinded his hips against Adam’s. Sauli moved to Adam’s neck and blew his hot breath onto his skin. He felt something dig into his leg and he smiled.  
“Sau…li…please…” Adam begged.  
Sauli pressed his lips against Adam’s and trailed his fingertips down Adam’s chest. He reached just below the rim of Adam’s sleep pants then withdrew his hand and lips.  
“Hey, Adam?” Sauli sat up.  
Adam opened his eyes and shot daggers towards Sauli. “What?”  
“Are you doing anything tomorrow?” Sauli smiled.  
“Do we have to talk about this now?” Adam sighed.  
“Yep, so tell me.”  
“Uh, I don’t think so, why?”  
“Good because I have a surprise for you.”  
“You and your damn surprises.” Adam laughed.  
“You’ll enjoy it, I promise.”  
“If you say so.” Adam leaned up, gently tickled Sauli’s chin and brushed his lips across Sauli’s. He immediately responded and pushed Adam back down on the bed. As their lips meshed together, Sauli attempted to dominate Adam with his tongue – it was his turn to pleasure Adam – however, Adam didn’t think so. He didn’t give much of a fight and let Sauli enter in a hope to distract him for a few seconds. Adam smiled through the kiss and swiftly turned them over so he was on top again. He quickly found Sauli’s bulge and began to palm him through his boxers.  
“Now, let’s finish this properly shall we?” Adam grinned evilly.

\--

Adam was awoken by Sauli jumping and squealing on him.  
“Jeeeez,” Adam yawned, “I’ve never known such a happy person at this time in the morning. Are you feeling okay?” Adam sleepily laughed.  
“I’m fine. It’s the day of your surprise, baby!”  
“Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that.”  
Sauli’s face was beaming. “And I made you pancakes this morning with your favourite, maple syrup!”  
Adam licked his lips. “You’re incredible.”  
“I thought you’d like it. Hurry though because we only have a limited amount of time before we have to go.”  
“Okay okay, give me 10 seconds to get changed.”

As soon as Adam had changed out of his sleep pants, he ran down the stairs taking two at a time and went into the kitchen. Sauli was just finishing dishing up breakfast.  
Adam wrapped his arms around Sauli’s waist from behind and kissed his shoulder. “They look amazing, sweetheart.”  
“Why thankyou, hopefully I won’t give you food poisoning.”  
Adam chuckled. “Oh shush, your cooking is perfect.” He kissed Sauli’s shoulder again and grabbed both plates. Sauli grabbed the forks and knives and followed Adam through to the dining table. They both began to dig in and before they knew it, their plates were empty.  
“I’ll go do the washing up, you go get ready.” Sauli smiled.  
“Won’t be long, sweetie.” Adam pecked Sauli on the lips before heading towards the stairs.  
“You better not be!” Sauli shouted as Adam reached the top of the stairs.

Sauli returned to the kitchen and smiled to himself as he washed up the dirty pots. Today was going to be a fabulous day.

 

Little did both the lovers know that this would turn out to be one of the worst days of their lives…


	7. Always by your side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, you’ll get to see what the name of this fic is all about. Sorry it’s taken so long to release this chapter and it should be WAY longer for the amount of time I’ve kept you all waiting but here it is… don’t kill me!

“So, where are we going to?” Adam was sat in the passenger seat of his Mustang whilst Sauli was driving to the unidentified location. It felt strange but comforting to know that he had a day free of driving.

“That’s still a surprise.” Sauli winked.

“You’re such a tease!” Adam laughed.

“I could tell you a thing or two about the place we’re going t-”

“Yes please!” Adam beamed.

“You’ll definitely love it and it’ll be good fun.”

“Well, that narrows it down to… anything.” Adam pretended to sulk, turning his head to look out the car window.

Sauli brushed his fingers along Adam’s leg. “Trust me, you’ll love it.”

“If you say so.” Adam smiled, his mind wandered off thinking about all the possibilities this place could be. A club… a restaurant… a secluded place… a double date…? No, that couldn’t be right. It was only mid-morning. Sauli’s hints didn’t narrow it down much; it could be an indoor ball pit for all he knew.

 

After a while, Sauli gently poked Adam’s arm.

“Sweetheart, we’re here.”

“Ooh.” Adam jumped out of the car and slightly skipped over to Sauli’s side. Sauli linked his hand into Adam’s and began to walk. They were in a car park that was surrounded by many fields. It looked like they were in the middle of nowhere.

“So, when do I get to find out what this surprise is?”

“You’ll find out in a couple of minutes.” Sauli smiled, looking straight ahead.

 

They walked on for what seemed hours when they came across a small queue.

“Hang on, this place seems familiar.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yeah… I think so.” Adam took in his surroundings, almost certain that he knew some of the scenery.

“Well, you should do. Though you haven’t been here in quite a while I was told.”

“Huh? You were told to take me here?” Adam looked down at Sauli, confused.

“No. I spoke to Leila before about my plans. She said you’d been here a while back as a family outing.”

“Oh right. I must have been a kid because I can’t remember this place extremely well.”

Sauli leaned his head against Adam’s chest and smiled to himself. He couldn’t quite figure out how he’d even scored his perfect boyfriend.

 

They reached the end of the line and walked closer to the counter. Sauli bought two adult tickets on his card despite Adam trying to butt in and pay for his own ticket. Once they’d got through the fairground gates with their tickets and obtained a map of the grounds, Adam linked his hand with Sauli’s.

“Baby you didn’t have to do that. I would have happily paid for my own.” Adam spoke in a soft tone.

“No, it’s okay. You deserve to be treated.” Sauli smiled and pecked Adam on the cheek.

“Mm, you’re the best.” Adam smiled and gently prodded Sauli’s nose.

“That’s definitely you.” Sauli shook his head and smiled also.

 

They opened up the map and prioritised what rides they’d really like to go on and ones they didn’t really mind missing out.

Adam pointed to a new ride featured on the map. “Maybe we should go try that one out in a bit?”

“Sure.”

“Okay, so if we start off with the rides close to us then skip a few here,” Adam pointed at various places on the map, “then go on these few here then walk back on ourselves to this new ride then if we have enough time we can visit those rides over on the far right side.”

“Sounds like a plan. Where do you wanna eat? We could eat at the Burger Bar or at Todd’s further along?”

“Hm, I fancy eating at Todd’s. Is that fine by you?”

Sauli nodded. “Yeah, I don’t really fancy a burger today anyway.”

“Me neither.”

“That’s everything sorted then. Let’s go!”

 

\--

 

It was approaching lunch hour when Adam and Sauli arrived at Todd’s. They sat down at a table and looked through the menu. They eventually settled on a pasta meal for two off the specials menu. After the waiter took away their menu, Sauli put his hands in Adam’s and looked into his eyes.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling better for sure. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” Sauli smiled, “You definitely look better.”

Adam smiled at his beloved and began to play with Sauli’s fingers.

 

It wasn’t long before the pasta meal was served. It looked incredible. The pasta was covered in a creamy sauce with herbs spotted here and there. Small pieces of bacon were dotted around also. It smelt nice too. Both dug in immediately.

 

\--

 

Adam and Sauli had pretty much visited all of the rides they’d wanted to go on and there was only time for one more before they had to leave.

“We can either go on that rollercoaster ride which I’ve heard is pretty boring or try out this new ride,” Sauli had the map in his hands once again, “it’s completely up to you though. Which one do you wanna go on?”

“Definitely the new ride.” Adam replied.

They walked down the path to their right and joined the queue. It didn’t take long for the queue to disappear and for Adam and Sauli to be next on the ride. The ride had multi-coloured carriages, it spun round and went high up into the air alternating between ground level and as high as the poles would take the carriage. Sauli felt something in his stomach similar to butterflies but they didn’t feel as positive as butterflies.

“Sauli stop being so ridiculous and enjoy yourself. Adam seems to be, so why can’t you?” His conscious spoke.

Maybe he was being ridiculous or just nervous because it was a new ride that could just turn out to be completely boring. Maybe. He didn’t have time to think for much longer as Adam was pulling him along to one of the carriages. By the time he’d fully returned to reality, the safety bars on the carriages were locked and the ride was setting off into motion.

 

The carriage turned inwards to face all the other carriages and began to rise. It stopped at the halfway mark but gradually lowered again before slightly picking up speed. The carriages turned sideways to their normal position and each carriage slowly rose up to the halfway mark again. The odd number carriages lowered back to just above ground level whilst the even number carriages slowly rose higher. Adam and Sauli were in 14, meaning they were rising up to the highest point they could go. After about 10 seconds, each carriage swapped position rapidly. The carriages both rose and fell, according to the number, at the same time and Sauli’s stomach churned. There was something definitely not right but Sauli couldn’t freak out and attempt to get someone to stop the ride. Adam was smiling and yelling that he felt like his stomach was going to explode, Sauli couldn’t ruin that. He looked past Adam’s face and everything turned into slow motion. Sauli saw the metal pole vibrating a lot more than what looked remotely close to safe. He looked up; Adam’s face a completely different expression now. Adam had registered the look of fear on his face and slowly turned his head towards where Sauli had been looking. Adam looked back at Sauli with terror in his eyes; he was no longer smiling and laughing but confirming what Sauli had noticed too. The carriage was rising and falling fast; there was nothing they could do to stop the inevitable. Tears flooded Sauli’s eyes as he watched Adam scream out for help, hoping someone below would hear him. They both felt a huge ‘crunk’ and Sauli attempted to wrap his arms around Adam but before he could reach even Adam, his body disappeared and everything went black.

 

 

Adam screamed as he flew through the air and hit the ground. His vision blurred but then came into focus seconds later. His ears ignored the screams from surrounding people and fear forced him to pick himself up off the ground, dismissing the pain he was in. He ran as much as his injured body would let him, screaming Sauli’s name. Tears streamed down his face as people tried to restrain him from running any further. He pushed them aside with as much force as he could and frantically looked around for any sign of his lover. Adam couldn’t spot Sauli, though his vision wasn’t completely clear as the tears were clouding over. It took him a few seconds but out the corner of his eye, Adam spotted the carriage upside down by the far side of the ride. He tried to run as fast as he could but out of nowhere, security had him by the arms. He collapsed onto his knees.

“LET ME GO!” Adam screamed. “I NEED TO GET TO SAULI, I NEED HIM. I NEED TO S-SEE HIM!”

The security guards tried to explain that Adam needed to be taken to hospital to be treated for his injuries, though they may be worse after the stunt he just pulled. The words didn’t register in Adam’s mind; the words were a blur going through his ears as he tried to piece together the scene in front of him. He still couldn’t see Sauli. Adam looked beyond the detached carriage and saw flashing blue lights. The blue light drew him in, his vision blacked out.

 

\--

 

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

 

What was that annoying sound? Was his alarm going off? Had he overslept?

 

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

 

He opened his eyes, only to quickly scrunch them up as the bright light almost blinded him. He heard someone’s footsteps get closer and closer. He attempted to open his eyes again, this time letting his eyes adjust to the bright light. The room came into focus and it wasn’t a place he recognised. It was an enclosed room with a wooden door over the far side. The flooring was a pale blue, creating a dim atmosphere. The paint on the walls was patchy as parts had worn off revealing a musty yellow underneath. Oh and the beeping noise still hadn’t stopped. He looked over to where the sound was coming from and vaguely saw a line rising and falling.

 

Then it clicked. He was in hospital.

“What am I doing here? What’s happened?” He spoke to whoever was in the room.

As the person got closer to the bedside, they came into focus. It was a female nurse.

“Mr Lambert, how are you feeling? Are you in any pain at all?”

“This isn’t making any sense. Why am I in here?” Adam tried to remember. Nothing.

“Adam, can you tell me your date of birth please?”

“29th January 1982, why?”

“And how many fingers am I holding up?”

“2.”

“Do you remember what happened prior to being taken to hospital?”

“Uhh…” He took in his surroundings. Items of clothing were placed on the seat next to his bed and his bracelets were on the tray at the end of the bed.

Bracelets, Sauli’s bracelets. Sauli… fairground!

“I was at a fairground with Sauli, we had one ride left…” Adam racked his brain for more memory. “Umm… we were on a ride and I remember Sauli had turned his head but wasn’t looking at me, his eyes were full of fear.”

“Do you remember anything else after that?”

Adam concentrated more, though it was starting to hurt. “I turned my head, something was wrong with our carriage, I remember looking back at Sauli but then he had gone from my vision. I got up and ran to find him but I was held back. That’s all I can remember right now.”

“So far, so good. You’ve not lost your memory which is a good sign. Are you in any pain at all?”

“My legs hurt slightly. I ache too.”

“That’s normal too. You took quite a fall; the doctors have reported that you don’t have any broken bones so you’re quite the lucky one. I’ll have the doctor check on you in a few minutes to see if you can walk around. We need to do some blood tests also.”

“Uh okay. What about Sauli? Where is he?”

“He’s not awake yet. He’s a few doors down.”

“Can I see him please? I need to know he’s okay. I need to see him.”

“Once the doctor has confirmed that you can walk then you can see him.”

Adam sighed.

“I’ll go and fetch the doctor now.” The nurse smiled.

 

Half hour later, the doctor had finished testing Adam’s ability to move around stating that he didn’t show any signs of a more serious problem though he would need physical support for a few weeks.

“We will supply you with crutches just to help you move about because your left leg is still weak from the fall. It should heal over time but we’ll have another assessment when you return in 2 weeks.”

“Will I be discharged today?”

“As soon as your blood tests come through, as long as they’re normal.”

“Okay, thanks.” Adam looked towards the wooden door then back at the doctor.

“What’s happened to Sauli? Is he okay? Can I see him?”

“Mr Koskinen has sustained a few broken ribs and a broken leg; we’re conducting tests on him at the minute. Of course you may, I’ll take you there. Just give me two minutes to get you some crutches.”

 

The doctor returned with crutches for Adam and guided him to Sauli’s room just down the corridor.

“Are you ready?”

Adam took a deep breath and nodded. He slowly made his way into the room. He could hear the sound of Sauli’s heart machine beeping which gave Adam a sense of relief. His baby was alive. Adam made his way to the bedside chair and linked his hand in with Sauli’s. It felt nice to be finally reunited with his love.

“I’ll be back soon with the results of the tests but for now I’ll leave you two alone. Just speak to reception if you need anyone.”

“Thanks.” Adam nodded towards the doctor and he left the room.

Besides the heart machine beeping and Sauli’s breathing, the room was silent. Adam kissed Sauli’s forehead and slowly sat down. He looked over at Sauli and began to speak in a quiet tone.

“I hope you wake up soon. I just want to hold you in my arms right now without the hospital bed in the way. As soon as we’re out of here I’m going to spoil you rotten. I love you, Sauli Koskinen.” Adam smiled slightly and rested his head against the hospital bed.

 

\--

 

Adam was awoken by a few voices, one of which he recognised to be Sauli’s. He opened his eyes and saw a nurse and a doctor at the end of the bed talking to Sauli about the test results. The doctor said that the blood test results were normal and he was happy with them. The broken ribs and leg would take several weeks to heal therefore he’d be in cast and on crutches. The doctor explained that he has to do some paperwork before he can officially discharge Sauli too which could take a few hours. Once the doctor and nurse had gone, Sauli turned his head down to look at Adam.

“Hey baby,” Sauli smiled sweetly. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired and I ache all over. How’re you though? You’ve had it a lot worse than me.”

“I’m in a bit of pain but I’ll be okay. Doctors are happy with my results and we’ll both be out of here soon. I’m just glad you’re alive.”

Adam got up and sat on the edge of the hospital bed. “I worried about you so much. I just kept thinking of the negative, but you’re alive now. And that’s all that matters.” Adam leaned over and kissed Sauli’s forehead. Sauli sat up, held both Adam’s arms and looked deeply into his eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Forever.” Sauli gently pointed at the infinity tattoo on Adam’s arm.

“Forever.” Adam smiled and moulded his lips to his lovers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the end is upon us! I’ve enjoyed writing this fic though it’s taken time. I’m thinking of writing a sequel if anyone is interested in reading it? I have a few ideas planned. Also, I was thinking of doing a Tommy & Brett spin off from this fic but I’m not totally sure yet. I’ve started writing a few lines and scribbled down a few ideas but it’ll only go ahead if you guys are interested - so let me know! ^_^
> 
> Thankyou for reading this fic and being patient for updates.  
> You're all amazing.  
> <3
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT (06/01/16): Happy New Year! I just wanted to update any readers for this story, I have finally decided (2 years later!!) that I'll be making a spin off story from this. It'll be the Bremmy (Tommy and Brett) story if any of you are interested in reading it. If so, keep an eye out on my works over the next few days and I should have uploaded it by then :)


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